COAS/SSLYAR Pigskin Pick 'Em Week 15

You remember when I had a big lead on Nathaniel in our NFL picks series? Yeah, me neither. Well, kind of.

4 weeks into the NFL season, I had a 9 game lead. For the most part since then I've held anywhere between a 4 and 8 game lead. It's down to 2 now with Nathaniel picking games like he shoots jumpers on Wednesdays when we play Knockout and H-O-R-S-E. I'm fearing COAS might end up posting pro-Bears propaganda after the season to honor our wager. Thankfully I don't have to worry about other potential sabotage like a post lauding the merits of Brad Miller as a top-50 all time NBA player or something since our other competitor keeps forgetting to lock in his picks.

Now that I'm done freaking out (hopefully), here's our Week 15 picks. We disagree on another 8 game this week, so I could be looking up at Nathaniel like I was during football on Wednesday as he used his superior size and strength to outmuscle me for touchdowns.

Cincinnati Bengals at Philadelphia Eagles (+3.5)
Lucas: Bengals. Andy Reid gets one. And only one. If they win this week, they probably win out and Reid's job will be safe for whatever insane reason.
Nathaniel: Eagles. Here it comes. Here comes the season-ending four-game winning streak that makes the Eagles' 7-9 season suddenly seem respectable, Nick Foles look like the quarterback of the future, and Andy Reid the recipient of "one last chance, we swear!" Cue six million Eagles fans screaming "NOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of their lungs.

New York Giants at Atlanta Falcons (-1.5)

Lucas: Falcons. There's waaaay too much voodoo magic involved here. I'm taking the team that seems to have the magic powers at home until the playoffs start. We aren't there yet...

Nathaniel: Giants. The Falcons are basically last year's Packers except that instead of being the proud employer of a quarterback having one of the greatest years ever, they instead employ an above-average quarterback. Scary #1 seed right here, guys!

Green Bay Packers at Chicago Bears (+2.5)

Lucas: Packers. Green Bay might be getting healthy at the perfect time and the Bears just keep losing guys. And knowing how Jay seems to play against Green Bay, we could be looking at a 6 sack, 3 pick performance again.

Nathaniel: Bears. No pressure here, Lovie. It's not like your job rides on the outcome of this game or anything...



Washington Redskins at Cleveland Browns (-1.5)

Lucas: Redskins. Even if Kirk Cousins is filling in for RG3, I just don't think the Browns could keep up with these guys, despite their defense playing really well of late.

Nathaniel: Redskins. I realize this line was made under the assumption that RGIII doesn't play, but even then...huh? The NFL will still allow the Redskins to run the ball without RGIII, right? I don't know, maybe I'm drinking too much of the Kirk Cousins Kool-Aid...

Minnesota Vikings at St. Louis Rams (-2.5)
Lucas: Vikings. Adrian Peterson is running rampant over too many people right now to pick against him. You know, as long as Christian Ponder isn't being dumb with the football.
Nathaniel: Rams. Bill Musgrave: Well, Leslie, it might be tough to run against the Rams this week. They only give up four yards per carry and word on the street is Jeff Fisher's planning on putting eleven men and a midget the referees can't see in the box on Sunday.
Leslie Frazier (thinking): ...the hell with it. RUN ADRIAN SIXTY TIMES ANYWAY!
Jacksonville Jaguars at Miami Dolphins (-7.5)
Lucas: Jaguars. Both these teams are bad, and I think Miami wins because Jacksonville is worse, but I think 7.5 is a lot to be giving the Dolphins.
Nathaniel: Dolphins. The Chad Henne Reunion Bowl! America awaits with baited breath for this classic rematch of the 1999 AFC Divisional Playoffs, won by the Jaguars in a squeaker, 62-7. If you can find a more classic NFL matchup on the slate this weekend...congratulations. You have eyes.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New Orleans Saints (-3.5)

Lucas: Saints. I've avoided the bounty talk for months not knowing what to make of it all, but if an arbitrator says there was enough evidence of an illegal program and that there was conduct detrimental to the league... then there was probably evidence detrimental to the league. I'm fine with the players not being suspended and fine with Sean Payton sitting this year out. They get a big win to satisfy the masses before being ensured a playoff absence.

Nathaniel: Buccaneers. Hold on, I think David Wilson is still running through the Saints' kick coverage units. Sometimes I think it would be fun to be a kick returner against such a porous return unit and try to picture what I would do under the same circumstances. Then, after watching my knee blow up after I get hit at the three-yard line, I return to my bag of Cheetos and belch loudly.
Lucas note: Come on buddy, you can use that strength you showed yesterday to get to at least the 5.


Denver Broncos at Baltimore Ravens (+2.5)

Lucas: Broncos. So the Ravens get rid of a pretty good offensive coordinator in Cam Cameron... and replace him with a robot? I mean, at least Grumpy Cat would have some emotion about getting promoted.

Nathaniel: Ravens. The best part of Cam Cameron getting fired? THE RETURN OF THE JIM CALDWELL REACTION SHOT! Here's a fun drinking game for all you designated drivers out there: every time Caldwell blinks, take a shot. Your sober and clear-headed driving on the ride home will thank you later!

Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans (-7.5)
Lucas: Colts. #Chuckstrong's powers are spreading beyond Indy. Houston got smoked by the Patriots on Monday and I think that will leave them reeling early in this game before they retake control. Or Indy amplifies its powers.
Nathaniel: Texans. I look forward to your latest installment of Bizarre Backdoor Cover Theater, Indianapolis.

Seattle Seahawks at Buffalo Bills (+5.5)

Lucas: Seahawks. I'm starting to worry this team is getting hot at the right time... even though odds are they'll fall apart at some point in the playoffs. Probably on the road.

Nathaniel: Seahawks. I would appreciate it if all the blabbermouthing talking heads would refrain from mentioning Seattle's poor road record this week since, you know...IT'S A ROAD GAME FOR BUFFALO, TOO!! This also would probably as good a time as any to mention that I have eaten inside the Rogers Centre in Toronto and highly recommend the view from inside the stadium when the lights are off. Really brings out the flavor in your barbequed pork sandwich, in my opinion.

Detroit Lions at Arizona Cardinals (+5.5)

Lucas: Lions. Even though I'm sure Jim Schwartz will do whatever he can to lose this game, Arizona is so bad they're holding tryouts for quarterback. I think this kid from San Diego I saw at work on Tuesday would be a good candidate. Larry Fitzgerald wouldn't waste your throw, brave San Diegan!

From the San Diego CHP. Click to enlarge.

Nathaniel: Lions. A partial list of people who would make better quarterbacks than anyone currently on the Cardinals roster:
-- Jim Abbott.
-- Bethany Hamilton.
-- Admiral Lord Nelson.
-- Aron Ralston.
-- The drummer from Def Leppard.
-- Nemo from the Disney/Pixar film Finding Nemo.

Any additions or suggestions are welcome. Please send to: 

Arizona Cardinals

P.O. Box 888

Phoenix, AZ 85001

Lucas note: I'll see if I can send that San Diego kid their way.
Carolina Panthers at San Diego Chargers (-2.5)
Lucas: Panthers. We've had a good run with you, Norv Turner. Hopefully a new crop of incompetent head coaches will arise to replace you, Andy Reid, Romeo Crennel, Jason Garrett, and possibly Lovie (which would kill me. I've had too much fun breaking everything down into quarters).
Nathaniel: Panthers. Although, if this Ron Rivera homecoming is anything like his earlier one in Chicago this year, Carolina will still find a way to clutch defeat from the jaws of victory. THEY JUST CAN'T KILL NORV.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Dallas Cowboys (+1.5)
Lucas: Steelers. I know they got killed by San Diego this past weekend, but they can't lose to 2 bad coaches in a row... right?
Nathaniel: Cowboys. In honor of such a classic NFL matchup, here's a GIF of Jerry Jones scratching his crotch. 

Kansas City Chiefs at Oakland Raiders (-2.5)

Lucas: Raiders. Somehow Roger Goodell survived the Black Hole last week. Kansas City won't be so lucky.

Nathaniel: Raiders. Kansas City, I really think you stumbled on something when you had Jamaal Charles run eighty yards for a touchdown on the first play of the game last week. Maybe you should try that play more often? By my count, you'd score somewhere in the neighborhood of 84-91 points and Jamaal Charles would get about 1,000 yards rushing, which I'm pretty sure would break the single game rushing record. Just think about it!

San Francisco 49ers at New England Patriots (-5.5)
Lucas: Patriots. New picking rule: Don't bet against Tom Brady at home.
Nathaniel: 49ers. According to this week's official Someone Still Loves You Alberto Riveron power rankings, these are the two best teams in their respective conferences. Which means...we're probably ending up with a Falcons-Colts Super Bowl.

New York Jets at Tennessee Titans (-1.5)

Lucas: Titans. Mark Sanchez was strangely competent last week and of course Greg McElroy was deactivated so Rex would have no choice but to go with him over Tebow. Sorry Simmons, Fourth and God II probably isn't happening.

Nathaniel: Titans. Mike Tirico's utter disdain for hyping this game last week was priceless. "SOMEHOW the Jets are still in playoff contention..." Don't worry about Jon, though. He'll be hyped up and ready to tell you why Mike DeVito is a Gruden Grinder!

Records so far

Lucas: 109-99 (8-8 last week)

Nathaniel: 107-101 (12-4 last week)