Hard to believe we're already to Week 7 of the NFL season. It's not as hard to believe that I've come back down to Earth and Nathaniel is catching up to me. We disagree on enough games that he can overtake me this week. We'll see how it goes.
Unfortunately, we're down a prognosticator this week. After Arnie went 0-1 this past week he went into a coma from eating candy. It's okay, he'll be back soon. Until then, here's our Week 7 picks.
Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers (-7.5)
Unfortunately, we're down a prognosticator this week. After Arnie went 0-1 this past week he went into a coma from eating candy. It's okay, he'll be back soon. Until then, here's our Week 7 picks.
Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers (-7.5)
Lucas: 49ers. Tough to pick, but Seattle is too
different a team away from the Pacific Northwest, and the Niners have
revenge on their minds. They probably barely beat the spread.
Nathaniel: Seahawks. Let's all take a moment to recognize Richard Sherman's post-game picture with Tom Brady as one of the greatest trolling moments in NFL history. You want to
talk about BRASS CAJONES and just a little bit more stupidity than you
would expect from a Stanford grad, this Richard Sherman's got it.
Hopefully he won't attempt the same thing if the Seahawks beat the
Niners because, for serious here guys, there's no sport in picking on
Alex Smith.
Tennessee Titans at Buffalo Bills (-3.5)
Lucas: Bills. Two not very good teams. I’m taking the home team.
Nathaniel: Bills. What would happen if the 2009 Titans with 2009 Chris
Johnson came in to play this Bills run defense on Sunday? Would we
estimate the number of yards CJ2K would eventually rack up in the
hundreds or thousands? Sounds like a question for WhatIfSports.com to
answer! (Running simulation...waiting...) What? Just 138 yards on 24
carries?! Now I know that Sim engine is messed up.
(Lucas note: Mine wasn't much better. 23 for 147 and a score. But the Bills won.)
Cleveland Browns at Indianapolis Colts (-3.5)
Lucas: Colts. Brandon Weeden looked competent
last week. I’m scared. I just don’t think he can replicate it on the
road. Maybe Mike Holmgren put a voodoo curse on Brandon Weeden’s stuff
yesterday before he left for good.
Nathaniel: Colts. Good news, Browns fans! Your new owner's got a plan!
It just involves completely cleaning house and getting rid of your
entire front office and coaching staff and starting over from
scratch...again. Yikes. Please read this story to transport yourself to a happier time.
Green Bay Packers at St. Louis Rams (+5.5)
Lucas: Packers. A supervisor at work who recently
left to be closer to his family is a big Rams fan, and in talking to
him a few weeks ago he talked like the Rams can really only get field
goals. Which with Legatron is a good thing as
long as he’s not missing 3. The other problem… I think Aaron Rodgers is back.
Nathaniel: Rams. Much like Mary Tyler Moore or tinder made from various
spongy types of fungus, these Rams have spunk and I expect that they'll
have this be a close game at the end. And if not close, then at least
dirty. They're always good for that.
Arizona Cardinals at Minnesota Vikings (-5.5)
Lucas: Cardinals. Don’t know why, but I feel like Arizona can cover this. Do I really have that much faith in John Skelton? Especially after...
Nathaniel: Cardinals. Call me primitive or Midwest-biased, but I had
never actually seen John Skelton's face without a helmet on before a
couple days ago. Thus, I took the liberty of typing "John Skelton" into
Google. This is the picture that's associated with his name. AHHHH PUT RYAN LINDLEY IN NOW!!!!
Washington Redskins at New York Giants (-6.5)
Lucas: Redskins. The “Nobody Believes in Us” Factor doesn’t apply this week. The Giants seem due for a dud, even if they win.
Nathaniel: Redskins. Thing I'm most excited to see in this game: Chase
Blackburn trying to chase down RGIII on a scramble. My guess is it's
going to work about as well for Chase as it would for William Conrad
trying to chase down Usain Bolt, but, really, the actual visuals will be
better than anything I could dream up in my head.
New Orleans Saints at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+2.5)
Lucas: Buccaneers. The Saints still have one more
game with the interim interim coach. Also the pirate ship malfunctioned
on Sunday so Greg Schiano couldn’t open fire even if he wanted to.
Nathaniel: Buccaneers. I don't want to jinx it or anything, but the
Buccaneers looked like a juggernaut against the Chiefs last Sunday.
Granted, looking like a juggernaut against the Chiefs is the same as
looking mediocre against South Dakota State, but let's give them the
benefit of the doubt here against a Saints defense that is still
terribad.
Dallas Cowboys at Carolina Panthers (+2.5)
Lucas: Cowboys. Cam Newton’s sophomore slump
continues and the Cowboys still win despite Jason Garrett doing
everything in his power to lose the game. Also I don’t think Arnie likes Jason Garrett anymore.
Nathaniel: Panthers. With Norv and Andy Reid both on bye weeks and
looking like their days may finally be numbered, it's time for the next
generation of Clock Management Disaster Enthusiasts to stand and accept
the passing of the torch. Call me a dreamer or a naive optimist if you
will, but I have all the faith in the world that Jason Garrett and Ron
Rivera will rise up and burn all of their timeouts by the midway point
of the third quarter. And when it happens...it shall be beautiful.
Baltimore Ravens at Houston Texans (-6.5)
Lucas: Texans. Green Bay provided the blueprint
to beat Houston: Put Aaron Rodgers in a dome and have him destroy
everyone. Since Joe Flacco is no Aaron Rodgers and the Ravens saw their
spirit and body break last week, Houston rebounds.
(Yes, that’s 3 weeks in a row of Ravens/Bane parallels.)
Nathaniel: Ravens. I know basically half the Ravens' defense died last
week, but shouldn't this line just be Houston by 3? On the other hand,
the Ravens DID only beat the Chiefs by three on the road, so I can
understand the opposing viewpoint as well.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Oakland Raiders (-4.5)
Lucas: Jaguars. I feel like the Jags will use
that drubbing at the hands of the Bears as motivation to come out this
week strong. And against Oakland, I see them at least covering.
Nathaniel: Raiders. Mike Mularkey must have enjoyed all the free press
he got from Joe Biden in the Vice Presidential debate last week. It'll
come in handy when he'll eventually be writing out resumes for open
offensive coordinator gigs in 2014.
New York Jets at New England Patriots (-10.5)
Lucas: Jets. New England has looked quite mortal
this year, and even though they’re at home, 10 ½ points is an awful lot
to be giving these guys.
Nathaniel: Jets. Now, you and I both know that the Patriots are much,
MUCH better than the Jets. But at the same time, they do have the same
record, don't they? I'm taking the 10.5 points and if the Patriots end
up winning 70-7 and Rex Ryan ends up roasting Mark Sanchez's foot over
an open fire at midfield after the game, so be it.
Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals (+2.5)
Lucas: Bengals. James Harrison should be thankful
he’s not in Brian Mills’ shoes. Any character played by Liam Neeson
that suffered “double-digit concussions” would just shrug it off and go
back to killing Albanians for kidnapping his
daughter. James Harrison would get fined by Roger Goodell for “dick
measuring”.
Nathaniel: Bengals. And the national delusion that the Steelers are still a good team ends right about...now.
Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears (-5.5)
Lucas: Bears. We all know what happened the last time “bad guys” from Detroit tried to take out a strong Chicago team.
Records so Far
Lucas: 44-47 (5-9 last week)
Nathaniel: 40-51 (6-8 last week)
Nathaniel: Lions. Bears to win, Lions to cover. Although if Matt
Stafford keeps throwing 60% of his passes sidearm or at a three-quarters
angle, I might take the Bears defense and 5.5 points over Detroit.
Records so Far
Lucas: 44-47 (5-9 last week)
Nathaniel: 40-51 (6-8 last week)
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