COAS/SSLYAR Pigskin Pick 'Em Week 7

Hard to believe we're already to Week 7 of the NFL season. It's not as hard to believe that I've come back down to Earth and Nathaniel is catching up to me. We disagree on enough games that he can overtake me this week. We'll see how it goes.

Unfortunately, we're down a prognosticator this week. After Arnie went 0-1 this past week he went into a coma from eating candy. It's okay, he'll be back soon. Until then, here's our Week 7 picks.

Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers (-7.5)

Lucas: 49ers. Tough to pick, but Seattle is too different a team away from the Pacific Northwest, and the Niners have revenge on their minds. They probably barely beat the spread.

Nathaniel: Seahawks. Let's all take a moment to recognize Richard Sherman's post-game picture with Tom Brady as one of the greatest trolling moments in NFL history. You want to talk about BRASS CAJONES and just a little bit more stupidity than you would expect from a Stanford grad, this Richard Sherman's got it. Hopefully he won't attempt the same thing if the Seahawks beat the Niners because, for serious here guys, there's no sport in picking on Alex Smith.

Tennessee Titans at Buffalo Bills (-3.5)

Lucas: Bills. Two not very good teams. I’m taking the home team.

Nathaniel: Bills. What would happen if the 2009 Titans with 2009 Chris Johnson came in to play this Bills run defense on Sunday? Would we estimate the number of yards CJ2K would eventually rack up in the hundreds or thousands? Sounds like a question for WhatIfSports.com to answer! (Running simulation...waiting...) What? Just 138 yards on 24 carries?! Now I know that Sim engine is messed up. 

(Lucas note: Mine wasn't much better. 23 for 147 and a score. But the Bills won.)

Cleveland Browns at Indianapolis Colts (-3.5)

Lucas: Colts. Brandon Weeden looked competent last week. I’m scared. I just don’t think he can replicate it on the road. Maybe Mike Holmgren put a voodoo curse on Brandon Weeden’s stuff yesterday before he left for good.

Nathaniel: Colts. Good news, Browns fans! Your new owner's got a plan! It just involves completely cleaning house and getting rid of your entire front office and coaching staff and starting over from scratch...again. Yikes. Please read this story to transport yourself to a happier time.

Green Bay Packers at St. Louis Rams (+5.5)

Lucas: Packers. A supervisor at work who recently left to be closer to his family is a big Rams fan, and in talking to him a few weeks ago he talked like the Rams can really only get field goals. Which with Legatron is a good thing as long as he’s not missing 3. The other problem… I think Aaron Rodgers is back.

Nathaniel: Rams. Much like Mary Tyler Moore or tinder made from various spongy types of fungus, these Rams have spunk and I expect that they'll have this be a close game at the end. And if not close, then at least dirty. They're always good for that.

Arizona Cardinals at Minnesota Vikings (-5.5)

Lucas: Cardinals. Don’t know why, but I feel like Arizona can cover this. Do I really have that much faith in John Skelton? Especially after...

Nathaniel: Cardinals. Call me primitive or Midwest-biased, but I had never actually seen John Skelton's face without a helmet on before a couple days ago. Thus, I took the liberty of typing "John Skelton" into Google. This is the picture that's associated with his name. AHHHH PUT RYAN LINDLEY IN NOW!!!!

Washington Redskins at New York Giants (-6.5)

Lucas: Redskins. The “Nobody Believes in Us” Factor doesn’t apply this week. The Giants seem due for a dud, even if they win.

Nathaniel: Redskins. Thing I'm most excited to see in this game: Chase Blackburn trying to chase down RGIII on a scramble. My guess is it's going to work about as well for Chase as it would for William Conrad trying to chase down Usain Bolt, but, really, the actual visuals will be better than anything I could dream up in my head.

New Orleans Saints at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+2.5)

Lucas: Buccaneers. The Saints still have one more game with the interim interim coach. Also the pirate ship malfunctioned on Sunday so Greg Schiano couldn’t open fire even if he wanted to.

Nathaniel: Buccaneers. I don't want to jinx it or anything, but the Buccaneers looked like a juggernaut against the Chiefs last Sunday. Granted, looking like a juggernaut against the Chiefs is the same as looking mediocre against South Dakota State, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt here against a Saints defense that is still terribad.

Dallas Cowboys at Carolina Panthers (+2.5)

Lucas: Cowboys. Cam Newton’s sophomore slump continues and the Cowboys still win despite Jason Garrett doing everything in his power to lose the game. Also I don’t think Arnie likes Jason Garrett anymore.

Nathaniel: Panthers. With Norv and Andy Reid both on bye weeks and looking like their days may finally be numbered, it's time for the next generation of Clock Management Disaster Enthusiasts to stand and accept the passing of the torch. Call me a dreamer or a naive optimist if you will, but I have all the faith in the world that Jason Garrett and Ron Rivera will rise up and burn all of their timeouts by the midway point of the third quarter. And when it happens...it shall be beautiful.

Baltimore Ravens at Houston Texans (-6.5)

Lucas: Texans. Green Bay provided the blueprint to beat Houston: Put Aaron Rodgers in a dome and have him destroy everyone. Since Joe Flacco is no Aaron Rodgers and the Ravens saw their spirit and body break last week, Houston rebounds. (Yes, that’s 3 weeks in a row of Ravens/Bane parallels.)

Nathaniel: Ravens. I know basically half the Ravens' defense died last week, but shouldn't this line just be Houston by 3? On the other hand, the Ravens DID only beat the Chiefs by three on the road, so I can understand the opposing viewpoint as well. 

Jacksonville Jaguars at Oakland Raiders (-4.5)

Lucas: Jaguars. I feel like the Jags will use that drubbing at the hands of the Bears as motivation to come out this week strong. And against Oakland, I see them at least covering.

Nathaniel: Raiders. Mike Mularkey must have enjoyed all the free press he got from Joe Biden in the Vice Presidential debate last week. It'll come in handy when he'll eventually be writing out resumes for open offensive coordinator gigs in 2014.

New York Jets at New England Patriots (-10.5)

Lucas: Jets. New England has looked quite mortal this year, and even though they’re at home, 10 ½ points is an awful lot to be giving these guys.

Nathaniel: Jets. Now, you and I both know that the Patriots are much, MUCH better than the Jets. But at the same time, they do have the same record, don't they? I'm taking the 10.5 points and if the Patriots end up winning 70-7 and Rex Ryan ends up roasting Mark Sanchez's foot over an open fire at midfield after the game, so be it.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Cincinnati Bengals (+2.5)

Lucas: Bengals. James Harrison should be thankful he’s not in Brian Mills’ shoes. Any character played by Liam Neeson that suffered “double-digit concussions” would just shrug it off and go back to killing Albanians for kidnapping his daughter. James Harrison would get fined by Roger Goodell for “dick measuring”.

Nathaniel: Bengals. And the national delusion that the Steelers are still a good team ends right about...now.

Detroit Lions at Chicago Bears (-5.5)

Lucas: Bears. We all know what happened the last time “bad guys” from Detroit tried to take out a strong Chicago team.

Nathaniel: Lions. Bears to win, Lions to cover. Although if Matt Stafford keeps throwing 60% of his passes sidearm or at a three-quarters angle, I might take the Bears defense and 5.5 points over Detroit.

Records so Far
Lucas: 44-47 (5-9 last week)
Nathaniel: 40-51 (6-8 last week)