Thursday, December 28, 2017

2017 COAS Pigskin Pick 'Em: Week 17

And so it all comes down to this. One week. 16 games. The fate of our contest hanging in the balance.

In our head to head contest, Adam has led literally wire to wire, but he's currently in second place among the coalition. Don't let the ESPN standings fool you; they've been a little off since Week 1, since I go by the picks made on here. Factoring those in, Adam is four games off the group lead. You can view the correct standings, as well as a full breakdown of our picks in relation to each other, here.

Last week I took four of the six games Adam and I disputed, which has pushed me to within one game of him. Like last year, I'm not necessarily aiming to win the whole group; as long as I can overcome Adam here at the end, I'm good. That said, like I mentioned last week, I'm not going to cheat. Adam sends me his picks for me to post on here, but I don't look at them until after I've already made mine. I'm not going contrarian in all 16 games in a desperate attempt to beat him; it wouldn't be fair play.

In the season finale, Adam and I disagree on a whopping nine games. Since it's an odd number, this means a tie is in play. Best of luck to you, sir! Let's get to it!

Sunday, Early Afternoon

Chicago Bears @ Minnesota Vikings (-12.5)
Lucas: Bears. Can we give the Bears a playoff spot by virtue of being the AFC North Champions (4-0 against the division)? I mean, they'll be a first round out in a laugher, but it would give Bears fans something to lord over Packers fans this offseason as we grumble when Mark Murphy refuses to fire anyone because "stability" or some nonsense. At least the Bears will do what the unofficial Web browser of Confessions of a Sportscaster will advocate for.
Adam: Vikings. Only because I want the Bears to get a better draft pick... wait, it doesn’t matter; they will trade it away with the farm for the next one up just to get the guy that was going to be there anyway.

Cleveland Browns @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-14.5)
Lucas: Steelers. Have a seat, 2017 Browns. The 2008 Lions saved you a seat.
Adam: Browns. Can’t stop, won’t stop.

Dallas Cowboys @ Philadelphia Eagles (+2.5)
Lucas: Eagles. Jerry Jones' tears: still as delicious as ever.
Adam: Eagles. Saw this meme the other day:
Lucas note: I'm at least assuming it was this one. If not, it was one like this.

Green Bay Packers @ Detroit Lions (-7.5)
Lucas: Packers. Because it would be the most fitting thing for this season to have the Packers come off their second home shutout of the season, edge out the Lions to finish 8-8, then have Thompson, McCarthy, and Capers all stick around for 2018 to waste another year of Aaron Rodgers. Damn it all.
Adam: Lions. In victory formation over the Packers not making the playoffs.

Houston Texans @ Indianapolis Colts (-3.5)
Lucas: Texans. Dear Bob McNair and Bill O'Brien, 
Please take this short paragraph post on a relatively anonymous Blogger page as my request to suit up as your backup quarterback for your Week 17 game against the Colts. I can only throw a football about 20 yards downfield and do not have experience reading an NFL defense, but I can complete in traffic throws to guys in the backyard, and am also willing to slot out in the Wildcat and embrace my Manifest Destiny as a red zone threat. References of a handful of people I've played backyard football with can be provided if requested. Please reach out if T.J. Yates is not out of concussion protocol and/or Taylor Heinicke proves to be a meh option at quarterback.
Sincerely, Some idiot sports fan who will probably get killed by Jabaal Sheard on his first dropback.
Lucas note: P.S.: Tell DeAndre Hopkins I'll try to give him an opportunity to equal this ridiculousness from Christmas.
Adam: Colts. They have been playing well of late... I think.
Lucas note: Let's see: six straight losses, albeit four of them decided by seven points or less. But that's also not factoring in that in three consecutive weeks Blake Bortles torched them through the air, Shady destroyed them in the snow, then they gave up 462 yards to the freaking Broncos, so... I'm gonna go with no...

New York Jets @ New England Patriots (-15.5)
Lucas: Patriots. Okay, even if you give the Bills the touchdown that was stolen away from them (Alberto Riveron needs to be fired, the catch rule needs to be fixed, or the review process needs to be Riveron-proofed so this crap stops happening), New England still wins going away. And even though the Jets may have done enough to save Todd Bowles' job, with home field in the AFC on the line and Touchdown Tom playing at home in December, this line isn't scaring me into taking the points. Go forth and conquer, New England, even if I don't have the rooting interest of sticking it to the lying tyrant this season.
Adam: Patriots. Pats come out with their new unis: Black and white zebra stripes.

Washington Redskins @ New York Giants (+3.5)
Lucas: Redskins. I, for one, am just glad for once that the Week 17 NFC East games are getting buried at noon and not being played during primetime for ratings or whatever.
Adam: Redskins. Blah.
Lucas note: Agreed. Moving on.

Sunday, Late Afternoon

Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons (-3.5)
Lucas: Falcons. I'd almost say the Panthers have no business being a playoff team since they can't close anyone out, but yet they somehow can still win the NFC South. Not that it'll happen, and I don't think they'll even get by Atlanta. Mark them down as the 5 seed.
Adam: Falcons. Going for a big finish this week. Probably will look like the week I wanted from Jones the last two weeks but did not get.

 Buffalo Bills @ Miami Dolphins (+2.5)
Lucas: Bills. Last week Adam complained about the Falcons and Saints playing twice in 17 days. These teams are meeting for the second time in 14 days. Someone done goofed.
Adam: Bills. 'Cus what are Jayfins anyway and why are they Smokin’?
Lucas note: Okay, that line isn't funny without context from Adam's emailed picks. Here's the text of his email, unedited:

Cincinnati Bengals @ Baltimore Ravens (-9.5)
Lucas: Ravens. I kind of get John Harbaugh's gripe, but if you're worried about attendance being too sparse in a must-win game... blame your own fans for not showing up. Not that I think it'll matter; the Bengals are bad.
Adam: Bengals. I feel like I had a dream that the Bengals did well last week...

Kansas City Chiefs @ Denver Broncos (-3.5)
Lucas: Chiefs. Well, Kansas City having locked up the division means this line makes a little sense, but not a ton. The Broncos have been garbage this season, and even in a meaningless game for both teams, them being favored with garbage at quarterback is mind boggling.
Adam: Chiefs. In years past this would have been a spectacular game at the end of the season. This year... not so much.

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Tennessee Titans (-5.5)
Lucas: Jaguars. Okay, I get that the Jags are locked into the #3 seed in the AFC, while the Titans are fighting for their playoff lives (win and in), but there's nothing about the Titans that gives me any faith that they can pull this off. Taking the points and watching Tennessee falling just short... again.
Adam: Titans. Man, two teams that I cannot seem to figure out. Just taking the home team on principle.

Oakland Raiders @ Los Angeles Chargers (-7.5)
Lucas: Raiders. LA needs too much to go right to sneak into the playoffs, and they've been... eh this year, even though they're still mathematically alive. I'll take the points here, and to quote UrinatingTree, "[expletive] you, Spanos."
Adam: Chargers. Because what comes before thunder? Lightning. (Or the lightning bolt on their helmets) ...cahow...

San Francisco 49ers @ Los Angeles Rams (-3.5)
Lucas: 49ers. New gambling rule: Don't bet against Jimmy GQ.
Adam: Rams. This one should be interesting. Not good... just interesting.

New Orleans Saints @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+7.5)
Lucas: Saints. Oh Lord, the Saints are going to head to Minneapolis in two and a half weeks and beat the Vikings on an Alvin Kamara outside toss where he breaks half a dozen tackles in the backfield before scampering 60 yards for the game-winner, aren't they? I mean, we're running out of new ways for the Vikings to punch their fans in the stomach.
Lucas note: I'm not sorry, Dad.
Adam: Buccaneers. Brees has let me down too many times this year.

Arizona Cardinals @ Seattle Seahawks (-8.5)
Lucas: Cardinals. This is purely a "taking the points" pick. Seattle is a long shot to make the playoffs (need to win and the Falcons to lose, or have tie scenarios come into play), so they'll be motivated, but I'm just not as sold on the CenturyLink home field line magic as I used to be.
Adam: Cardinals. So is DJ coming back? I thought this was when he may be coming back... oh well, there is always Week 1 of next year that we will see him for a quarter.
Lucas note: I think it was a very remote chance he'd be back this year after surgery, but especially with the Cards eliminated from the postseason... why risk it even if he were ready?

Records So Far
Lucas: 121-119 (7-9 last week)
Adam: 122-118 (5-11 last week)
Scott: 116-124 (8-8 last week)
Geoffrey: 126-114 (11-5 last week)
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