I've more or less resigned myself to playing out the string after another mediocre week. Joe and I split our two disputed games, which... cool, though I did slightly improve against Adam, as he took five of eight from me; Adam took six of ten from Joe last week.
You can view how we've all picked in relation to each other here. Adam has moved back into a tie for first in the group at large thanks to his... *sigh* continued shenanigans in hero games.
This week, Adam and I disagree on a whopping 10 games, Joe and I on five, and the two of them on five games out of 16. Let's get to it!
Thursday Night
Los Angeles Chargers @ Las Vegas Raiders (-2.5)
Lucas: Raiders.
Lucas note: I don't know, but it's a lot.
Joe: Raiders.
Saturday, Early Afternoon
Minnesota Vikings @ Cincinnati Bengals (-3.5)
Lucas: Bengals. Jake Browning actually looks pretty good, and I'm not really trusting the Vikings right now, especially now that they're going to *checks notes* Nick Mullens? Oh boy.
Adam: Bengals. The sheer weapons on the Bengals make this a game where I see them cruising to win, plus with Minnesota moving on from the Passtronaut in Dobbs, this is them waving the white flag but with vigor now.
Joe: Bengals.
Saturday, Late Afternoon
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Indianapolis Colts (-2.5)
Lucas: Steelers. Pittsburgh crapped the bed in back to back weeks and now has to play a contender. So naturally they'll play up to competition, the High End TalentTM will show up pull some devil magic, and the Steelers will win outright so they only need to win one of their final three to BS another nine win campaign. The Standard is The Standard, after all.
Adam: Colts. Prayers for Taylor. I fear I will lose my fantasy quarterfinals this week due to his absence and lose out on making some $$$$.
Lucas note: *resisting the urge to drop the "Oh no! Anyway" GIF*
Joe: Steelers.
Saturday Night
Denver Broncos @ Detroit Lions (-4.5)
Lucas: Broncos. I can't understand what's going on in Detroit. Nearly losing to the Bears at home, followed by getting owned by the Waxing Gibbous moon... followed shortly after by actually losing to the Bears? I'm taking the points and not apologizing.
Adam: Lions. Bounceback, and maybe bite some knees on the way up. If you know, you know.
Joe: Lions.
Sunday, Early Afternoon
Chicago Bears @ Cleveland Browns (-3.5)
Lucas: Browns. Oh no, Matt Eberflus winning back to back divisional games to get the Bears in the hunt means he's gonna be sticking around, isn't he?
Adam: Bears. OK, so hear me out. The Bears' remaining 4 games are against sub-.500 teams. If they can win out (not as tall of an order as you may think) AND get some help from Minnesota and other middling NFC teams, they can still make the playoffs!
Atlanta Falcons @ Carolina Panthers (+3.5)
Lucas: Falcons. I mean, this is more or less by default. Can we contract the NFC South?
Adam: Falcons. How is this line 3.5? I mean how. HOW?! OK seriously. maybe not that bad of a line, but I would have set it at closer to 5.5. So I’ll take the extra two points, thank you and watch Bijan run roughshod on Carolina.
Lucas note: Arthur Smith is probably why this line is where it is. And also might be why you're not gonna see Bijan run roughshod on Carolina.
Joe: Falcons.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Green Bay Packers (-3.5)
Lucas: Packers. I'm hoping that... whatever the hell happened on Monday was just growing pains. At least, that's the copium I'm huffing.
Adam: Buccaneers. This could be an interesting game. Tampa just jumps up and surprises to me, and Green Bay, you never know. Maybe they use that same wheel of destiny that the Chicago Metra uses when they announce why there is a delay.
Lucas note: Oh my god, the nostalgia I just got thinking back to the Wheel of Excuses. Not to riding the Metra though, I don't really miss that.
Joe: Packers.
Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans (-2.5)
Lucas: Titans. Get well soon, CJ.
Adam: Texans. But can we all take a trip in the wayback machine to what I said about the Tennessee/Miami game?
Lucas note:
Joe: Texans.
New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins (-8.5)
Lucas: Jets. I just... I can't lay that many points after what happened on Monday night. The first half of the year Dolphins would have put that game away, Now? The Jets might sneak an upset outright and we're gonna be treated to Aaron Rodgers on one leg in the future.
Adam: Dolphins. But fun fact, Jets have all but confirmed MILF Hunter 4000 will evolve over the summer and go on the prowl for other grazing areas as MILF Hunter 5000.
Lucas note: Okay, but does that mean his *gets tackled by the censors*
Joe: Dolphins.
New York Giants @ New Orleans Saints (-4.5)
Lucas: Giants. Freaking Tommy DeVito.
Adam: Giants. This must happen.
Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots (+9.5)
Lucas: Patriots. Mainly because of the line. Also partially because Patrick Mahomes is starting to wear on me a little bit. Seriously, dude... Kadarius Toney was obviously offsides and it wasn't effing close. Also, with Bill Belichick likely on his way out, what better way to go out than with one last eff you to the Chiefs?
Adam: Chiefs. But if they don’t cover (I don’t see many scenarios they don’t win) then it will be Toney’s fault I am sure.
Joe: Chiefs.
Sunday, Late Afternoon
Washington Commanders @ Los Angeles Rams (-6.5)
Lucas: Rams. LA's just better. Nothing more to it.
Adam: Commanders. Originally had the Rams, but the half point makes me nervous, so I will roll with the hope that Washington can keep it close and cover.
Joe: Rams.
San Francisco 49ers @ Arizona Cardinals (+13.5)
Lucas: Cardinals. Taking the points. Also a mandatory solidarity pick. Go bring home another Walnut and Bronze, NCC.
Adam: Cardinals. Coming off a bye and the Niners coming off a few solid games including a trouncing of Eagles a couple weeks back, I see their hubris hitting and the Cards knocking them down a few pegs. I won’t go straight win by the Cards, but much closer than the two touchdowns.STAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGG BOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLLL #d3fb
— Lucas Mitzel🎙 (@northsider89) December 10, 2023
Joe: Cardinals.
Dallas Cowboys @ Buffalo Bills (-2.5)
Lucas: Cowboys. Just waiting for the shoe to drop in January.
Adam: Bills. Big game for Buffalo from a playoff standpoint and Dallas is coming in with 5 straight wins including a thumping of the Eagles last week. So maybe a regression to the mean.
Joe: Cowboys.
Sunday Night
Baltimore Ravens @ Jacksonville Jaguars (+3.5)
Lucas: Ravens. This is what happens when you rush back an injured quarterback, Duval. Now you pay the price.
Adam: Jaguars. Just a gut pick. Getting points at home with Sunshine and now 2 weeks separated from his high ankle sprain.
Joe: Ravens.
Monday Night
Philadelphia Eagles @ Seattle Seahawks (+3.5)
Lucas: Seahawks. I originally took Philly here, but then I remembered the obvious rule. Shady s*** happens on Monday nights in Seattle.
Adam: Seahawks. I see this as a bounce back game after their loss to the Cowboys. Seattle isn’t a slouch either, but due to the line, I’ll take that extra half point as I see this coming down to a two minute drill for a game-winning field goal.
Joe: Seahawks.
Records So Far
Lucas: 89-119 (6-9 last week)
Adam: 113-95 (8-7 last week)
Joe: 101-107 (6-9 last week)
Geoffrey: 113-95 (5-10 last week)
Jim: 106-102 (6-9 last week)
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